I firmly believe if we fix the family, we can improve society. Most of society’s issues arise within the family. For example, GBV is normalised within the family. Several studies found that queerness and otherness are more acceptable outside the family than inside the family. People who identify as queer, lesbian, trans or gay are marginalised within their families.
The single driving factor behind this marginalisation is religion. Religious doctrine is used to oppress and subjugate bodies to the will of family matriarchs and patriarchs. And the one thing we know about religion is that it is not all good. It gave us slavery, colonialism and apartheid.
I think families must talk more openly about sex, sexuality and gender. It is because families do not speak about queerness and instead follow a religious doctrine. Families tend to think religion will cure their queer family member. So they tend to pray for a queer member of the family and hope that divine intervention will change the sexual orientation and identity of their loved one.
This is the same principle that is being used in “prosperity gospel.” In “prosperity gospel”, some family members believe that by tithing and offering that their income will magically increase overnight. They fail to see that the pastor or the church is getting richer, and they are getting poorer. In the end, if religion does not work, the queer member of the family is cast out and disowned. I believe all humans are born queer. The problem is that most families do not understand queerness, and they are not equipped to talk about queerness or otherness. In the same way, they are not equipped to talk about financial security. So here is my message to families that follow a religious doctrine to respond to a queer family member: Love thy neighbour as thyself. Loving yourself would mean recognising your flaws before pointing the finger at someone else.
JACOB CLOETE 