By Aviwe Nontenja


I attract abundance

I attract success

I am wealthy

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me


Every morning as I start my day, I say those words of affirmation. It’s funny; you never really think about how you can become your worst enemy. I guess the saying is true, “Live long enough to see your hero become a villain”.

Who is this hero I am referring to? Well, it’s the adolescent me. I grew up with all the confidence in the world. This was due to my schooling days, where it was ensured you lived by the Scriptures, especially Philippians 4:13. I recall being invited to be part of a dance act in Primary School. The senior students had organized a routine, and since I was with them that day, they figured why not dance with them. I turned them down since I was terrified of taking part. I believed that I wasn’t a dancer. However, that moment defined whom I was going to be. I decided that I would never let fear govern my life. I practised and became a dancer. I told myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Years went by living with the mantra. Life kept challenging me, but I fought back until University. At this point, I’ve lived life and found myself, or at least I thought I had. However, within the three years of Varsity life, my identity was shaken. I broke down and fell into what I thought was depression, forcing a 180-degree shift in my mindset. From that point onwards, I lived a life driven by anxiety and fear of not knowing whether any of the decisions I made would affect not only me but the people around me. Even as I write this, I am afraid whether you, as the reader, will accept me or not. This fear had engulfed me, and I lived a life fueled by it. This forced me to shy away from the public, cloak my light, and made me lurk in darkness without a clear direction.

Going back to Varsity, I didn’t have a plan of what I wanted to do with my life after I attended my degree. All I knew was I was going to be a scientist and get a job; that’s what was promised mos. Little did I know that I would wait 4 years to actually work in my field, and even then, I would work for the worst place imaginable. This further reassured the fear I had. Did I make the right choice? I love what I do, but is it worth it? I would drink myself to oblivion, trying to forget about the many hurdles around. However, through meditation and introspection, I am learning daily that it is better to live life comfortably by embracing its discomfort. I should simply think, act and revise.

This shift in thinking is slowly but surely creating a new mindset I would like to dub: Animated Ambition. It is nothing new or fancy. It is a form of thinking where you formulate an idea, test your idea, and if it passes or fails, you go back to the drawing board to revise how to improve on it. As I speak, I have successfully grown three cannabis plants and two chilli pepper plants and advanced my skills from sewing by hand to using a machine, only by thinking about what I wanted and acting on it. I won’t lie, self-doubt always creeps in and tries to hinder my progress, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint—the Marathon Continues (Nipsey Hussle).

[The End]

Aviwe Sisonke Nontenja, born in the town of Mthatha, graduated from the University of the Western Cape with a BSc in Environmental and Water Science. He also graduated with a Post Grad Diploma in Integrated Water Resource Management. He is a dad who strives to do his best on a daily basis. He is a  curator of Deep House Music and the founder of Mins Environ Consultants in  2017, Animated Ambitions Clothing in 2022, and Co-founder of The Gardner in 2021. He is inspired by his love of video games, Anime and Manga. He strives to find a distinguished design by infusing Anime into his work.

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